So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
