this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize