I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
