Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
