I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
