grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
