Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
What drink are we having for lunch?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
