Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
