So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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