Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.

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(740): View more from Ohio

no more hot dogs for you........

(1-740): View more from Ohio

fine no more vajj for you

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(347): View more from New York

alright she left, finally time to fart up the room

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(817): View more from Texas

so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.

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(408): View more from California

Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high

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(647): View more from Ontario

Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.

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