see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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