Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
FUCK WHALES
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