that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
