I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
