now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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