I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize