Sry I called you an 8
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
