I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
