Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
