my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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