winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
