: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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