Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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