Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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