No awkward lesbian experiences without me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
