Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
