go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
