At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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