White coat. Heels.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
