So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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