Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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