She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
