Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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