Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
