I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
