i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
