I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
