You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
