I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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