Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
