well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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