Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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