Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am full of burrito and curiosity
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize