I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
