I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
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