i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
