All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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