you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
