It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
