I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
