Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
