other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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