My Higher Power is John Stamos
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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