he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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