we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
