YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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