It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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