My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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