They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
