Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
