She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize