They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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