The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
