R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i used baking grease as lip gloss
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
