We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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