I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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