In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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