obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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