He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
whose parrot is this?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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