Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
