are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
