Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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