It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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