The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
